I love my employee's

Today while going to one of the sites my security officers watch I found one of my people sleeping in the guard shack. Please keep in mind this is at 3:00PM not 3:00AM. I walked into the shack and slammed the door very hard to wake him up. I watched as his eyes blinked open and as he looked at me and began to realise he was in trouble he began to speak. Now normally I would fire or at the very least put someone on a 90 day probation for this type of offense, but in all honesty I was awstruck by what he said. He looked dead at me, put his hands together and said, "..in Jesus' name, Amen." That was a new one for me. However, I have heard some good ones which I will list for you here:

"Wow....that pot I smoked really wiped me out."

"It's my 10 minute break."

"The sun was in my eyes...for a long time"

"I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating."

"I was trying to push a button on my keyboard with my forehead."

"I was doing Yoga"

"The coffee machine is broken..."

"I Wasn't sleeping. I Was trying to pick up contact lenses without having to touch them and get them dirty."

"I was afaid one of the employees was gonna hurt me, so I was playing dead to avoid getting hurt."

"I thought you were gone for the day."

"I guess I shouldn't mix Jack Daniels with sleeping pills at work"

"I have disease that makes me sleep." (me too, its called being "tired")

"I was just cheking my eyelids for holes"

"My eyes were very dry so if I close them for 10 to 20 minutes they are ok"

"When I look at porn on the computer, it tends to make me tired after about and hour"

"The beers my friends brought me made me really tired"

"I was only putting my head on the desk because I don't fit underneath it"

"What'd I miss?"

"You were way hotter in my dream"

"When I feel alseep my head hit the keyboard...do you really want me to file workers comp or are we gonna forget about this"

"I was feeling sleepy so I laid my head down on the desk to make it easier for my heart to pump blood to my brain"

"In my religion we are allowed to sleep for 15 minutes during the work day"

"I was in jail all day and night yesterday and hardly got any sleep"

"I wasn't sleeping I was hiding from the client"

"thank god your here, I need someone to keep an eye out for the boss so I can get some sleep"

"my mom is a lawyer and I didn't sign a California Sleep Waiver..." (I actually checked into that before I fired him...in CA you never know)

"I just got a blow job and you know how tired that can make you"