An idle mind

As I once again sit up late….unable to sleep…I am suddenly struck with the desire to pass on tid bits of wisdom I have acquired over the years.
First and foremost, let this be a lesson to you all....Don't let me get bored!
People who have a clear conscience usually have a very bad memory.
A conscience is what hurts when the rest of your body is feeling good!
Saying, "I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize" did not help me get any closer to getting one.
99% of the people who sued me this year, really gave the rest of them a bad name
If you believe you can move things with your mind, please raise my hand.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese…you know what I mean…
I learned in therapy that depression is merely unmotivated anger…stay motivated!
Introverts kill themselves….be an extrovert and kill everyone else!
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. ß thank you Eckard
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. ß thank you military
Experience is typically something you don't get until just after you need it.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Things not to say to….
Pregnant Women:
Got Milk?
Cops:
Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
What's it like being AAA with a badge?
State Line Troopers:
I was just here for the hookers, fruit, gambling and drugs
Your Boss:
I can't send any e-mails currently because my Everquest patch is downloading

When God said, "Let there be light!" he obviously didn't give California enough credit to fuck it up so bad that we would have "rolling black outs"
Why I like Ronald Regan, "Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his." ß thank you Ronald Regan
I have found that young children typically only share one thing….disease
Pregnancy is a vicious STD
Do you think death is God's way of saying, "your fired"
Why I love Winston Churchill…"I am prepared to meet my maker. Whether or not he is prepared for the ordeal is another matter."