Another rainy night...

It was raining and for anyone who knows me or for that matter anyone who has ever driven in California rain knows...California drivers can't drive in the rain! Still, this particular evening, I was witness to one of natures most rare sites.

I looked skyward as I pulled up to the traffic light seeing that it was only a matter of moments before the rain would start and all the drivers around me would cease to have any coherent thoughts and begin to drive as if the sky was actually falling. I wanted to hurry and I wanted to be home NOW. It was then that I noted my worst of all fears. In front of me was 4 elderly people in a Daewo. I knew that once the rain started I would be stuck behind these people at a rocket like pace of perhaps 3 maybe 4 MPH. I knew if I did not get out of this lane immediately I would be stuck. Unfortunately there were cars on each side of me and destiny had played my hand for me.

My fist clinched the steering wheel and my lip began its slow upturn of disgust.

Then it happened..........drip..........drip......drip...drip..drip, drip,drip,drip,dripipippipipipippipp. Rain.

With my head tilted to the side looking past my now active windshield wipers, I looked into my doom (my doom being the car in front of me). I could see they were arguing. The light changed, but they were still arguing.

Tighter my fists grabbed the steering wheel.

Apparently, during this green light they had decided that Grandma should not be driving in the rain and that Grandpa should take over. Grandma apparently was not happy with the decision as she was wagging her finger at every single person in the car. Still, Grandpa was unrelenting as he took his coke bottle like glasses out and placed them on his face with determination now magnified on his face. Thus as the light turned back to red and I sat in EXACTLY the same spot I had prior to the green light, I took witness to what could only be called a Geritol Chinese Fire Drill.

Grandma got out of the drivers side and began her 2 inch shuffle around that back of the car. Grandpa, walker and all, got out of the passenger side and began his slide around the front of the car. I leaned forward staring in amazement, my jaw just inches from the floor. The pace was so incredibly slow that I am confident a sloth could have run down and killed both of them before they would have made it around the car. Yet, I watched. I watched in stunned amazement as grandpa dragged the tennis balls on his walker forward and as Grandma slid her slippers across the gravel. However, the best was yet to come

As if this was not amazing enough at that very moment "Cousin/Auntie/Sister-somebody" opened the back drivers side door. Which brought Grandma to a screaming holt. "Cousin/Auntie/Sister-somebody" began getting out of the obviously to small back seat and had literally cut Grandma off. Grandma tried to grab "Cousin/Auntie/Sister-somebody" but she was already racing around the back of the car to the now empty passenger seat. Of course when I say racing, what I really mean is moving as fast as my daughter moves when I tell her to, "come here and take this medicine".

Apparently Grandma was not about to let this upstart block her path to the empty passenger sear. So she kicks it into high gear, makes it around the still open door and like two soccer players jockeying for a ball (in super slow motion) the began to try to move around the car racing for the empty passenger seat. With arms interlocked and feet crisscrossed they moved SLOWLY around the trunk of the car. This is where Grandma apparently gets pissed. She pushed "Cousin/Auntie/Sister-somebody" into the trunk of the car as they take the turn. Despite moving at almost 0 MPH, "Cousin/Auntie/Sister-somebody" hits the trunk of the car bounces off and like a well trained stunt man falls over.

I wanted to go help. I mean, it is in my blood to run up an help a woman in need, especially an elderly woman who has just taken a fall...but I couldn't move. I was frozen by the spectacle that was unfolding before me.

As the light AGAIN went from green to red, Grandpa was about half way around the hood, his tennis balls smoking from the speed.

Grandma, still invigorated by her body check of "Cousin/Auntie/Sister-somebody", was really making good time toward the passenger seat. It was then that I noted that not only was Grandma haulin' ass, but she was actually laughing. She was actually tickled by the fact that she had slammed "Cousin/Auntie/Sister-somebody" into the car. Just when I thought this could not get any more twisted...

As if in a well choreographed scene, the rear passenger door then opens and "Cousin/UNCLE/BROTHER-somebody" gets out apparently to help "Cousin/Auntie/Sister-somebody" who had fallen. Grandma again come to a screeching stop as the door is thrown open directly in her path. Like it was a Keystone Cop episode, Grandma grabs the door and slams it onto "Cousin/Uncle/Brother-somebody" who promptly falls back into the back seat.

Grandpa has just made it to the drivers side fender as the light again goes from green to red and despite now missing THREE lights, I am still frozen in awe from what has now become an old people demolition derby. The guy behind me actually began to honk...he obviously could not see the action.

"Cousin/Auntie/Sister-somebody" picked herself up and in defeat returned to the rear drivers seat and wedged her body back in. "Cousin/Uncle/Brother-somebody" picked himself up from the seat and rubbed his head. Grandma, still high from her lusty victory plopped down in the passenger seat just in time to meet Grandpa's walker. Grandpa finally made it into the drivers side door and without looking he thrusts his walker into the car and Grandma takes a tennis ball right to the jaw. As if this were not enough "Cousin/Auntie/Sister-somebody" begins pointing and laughing. Grandpa then gets into the car and pins Grandma against the passenger side door with his walker and the weight of his body.

It took some time but they unraveled the jigsaw puzzle of old people and walking aids and it appeared I would be moving. Just when I thought we were about to make the next light, I was lucky enough to see another one of life's little miracles. Old people adjusting every single thing around them in the car. The dance of seatbelts, mirrors and sun visors (which incidentally took me through the 4TH FUCKING LIGHT) was a display that I would have not trade for anything. How often does one get to see such beauty in motion.