Treachery

For those of you not keeping up on current events, we recently went to war! As per usual we were ferocious on the battlefield and psychotic at the party. A good time had by all….However, that is not what I want to discuss….

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Recently we have had the good fortune of recruiting several younger members into our ranks of Horsemen. Yes, the household has some new blood to help bolster our ranks. It is about time that we veterans can finally pass on the torch and let some young bucks make the legends. However, that is not what I want to discuss….



I am so very……………………….happy…………………….to see our new fledgling supplicants as they prance around after numerous hours of fighting without even a suggestion of soreness. Watching them consume HUGE amounts of alcohol without even a hint of a hang over the next day. They spryly jump around after a full day of fighting and night of drinking as if they could do it over and over again….meanwhile I can barely make it out of my tent due to the fact that I am moving like the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz prior to being oiled! (What really pisses me off is most of these young little shits didn't even get that reference!) My entire body is punishing me for what I did in the war. This is of course, without mentioning the new "sleeping injury" I sustained in the night for some unknown reason! As I breach my tent (which is an appropriate word because I fell out of it like a newborn leaving the womb.) My first thought is about the sun….GOD DAMN THAT IS TOO LOUD! Followed by the "runners high" I just got from expending all my trying to sit up! The pain from my hang over is so focused that I can see individual air molecules moving. When I finally make it to a chair and sit, the second thought I have is the possibility of hooking up an I.V. drip of coffee as I wonder if brewing is really a necessary step in the consumption of coffee. My first thought of course being how can I kill everything younger than me. The only solace I get during this time is the fact that most of them are following my commands and I may have the opportunity to kill them.



Signs your becoming an older Horseman:



There is a definitive "huff" inbetween "For Harry!" and the charge screaming "into the breach!"



New Supplicants keep calling you Sir despite the fact you have no white belt!!!



You begin to wake up as supplicants are going to bed



Your out of breath walking to the battlefield



The term, "Old age and treachery" are continually applied to you



People ask if your fighter card is made of papyrus



If you have ever been asked if your armor is ACTUALLY from its time period



The phrase "Dirty old man" begins to be applied to you



Supplicants refer to your armor as antique



The only person screaming in your tent is a child



After a battle while laying in your tent recovering, dead relatives visit you and ask you to join them



Still, despite the fact that I hate you young fuckers….as any good leader should, I wish to pass on these words of wisdom. Take these words of wisdom and when you find yourself doing them…remember you are now officially drunk…go to bed:



You accidentally role your tent down a hill. ß Thank you Malachi



You go into your tent … on fire … and don't notice ß Thank you Giaus



You pee inside your own tent ß Thank you Christian



Trees begin to chase you ß Thank you Lan



You can hear a mime ß Thank you Josef



You cry and laughing 8 times in a one minute period ß Thank you Raynor



Some guy keeps asks you, "Can I film you?" ß Thank you Rook



Teddy bears in your tent keep bullying you ß Thank you Tahira



If you call the Obsidian Guard the Ebony Guard ß Thank you several people



You begin to talk to yourself, disagree about the subject and then refuse to talk to yourself for the rest of the night ß Thank you Eckard



You find yourself playing 3 man….alone. ß Thank you me



You have an irresistible urge to discuss quantum physics but most of the big words don't come out right ß Thank you Jayde



You climb into the wrong tent to have sex with someone and then try to have sex with the person who is there. ß Thank you again Eckard



You find yourself apologizing to a port-o-potty ß Thank you Lassy



You find yourself naked with your penis in your hand in the Royal Encampment ß Thank you ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Duncan



You are unable to work the door of a port-o-potty and have to call for help to get it open ß Thank you Chastity



You find yourself naked holding a spear ready to charge INTO CAMP ß Thank you again Christian



You find yourself naked holding you penis standing on a castle made of hay screaming "Come and take my sword bitches" ß Thank you Rook and Me



How to know you had to much to drink the night before and that you should probably start apologizing to everyone you meet:



If you wake up in armor



If you wake up with an open condom wrapper besides you and you are not sure where the condom is



If you wake up and its easier to throw your tent away rather than clean it



If everyone keeps pointing at you but you can't hear what they are saying.



If you wake up holding a port-o-potty.



If you wake up IN a port-o-potty



If you wake up in someone else's tent, but you don't know who



If you came with someone but wake up alone



If you wake up with fingernail marks down the FRONT of your body



If you wake up and don't know either of the people you are sleeping with



If you wake up because you distinctly keep hearing you name being said by the people who are already up