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Posts : 107
Join date : 2010-05-30
Age : 43
Location : Wintermist

PostSubject: Hippos   Mon Jun 28, 2010 1:57 pm

Last night while sitting watching VH-1, who was doing an Earth, Wind and Fire flashback, I was asked by my soon to be wife what animal she reminded me of. The first question you might ask yourself is "Why the hell were you watching the VH-1 Earth, Wind and Fire Flashback?" However, shortly after this you might be curious as to why my beloved asked such a question. There is no easy way to explain how her mind works and on many occasions I have been absolutely baffeled by her thought process. I have simply learned over the years to just answer the question and not question as to why it was asked.

"Wolverine" I responded with kindness.

"Why a Wolverine!?" she said back quickly. Her tone obviously hostile toward my answer.

I answered without fear, "Well...if you have ever seen a wolverine on the Discovery channel, they tend to be great mates. They look cute as hell, all fluffy and soft. They usually walk around doing no harm to anyone. However, every once in a while the damn things get totally pissed off and destroy everything in sight for no particular reason." I probably should have left off that last bit, but sometimes my mind tends to get the best of me. In an effort to quickly get off my last comment I asked, "so what animal do I remind you of?" I could see she was really giving it some thought. I tried to interject with my idea, "Well, you know they say when a tiger gets old they are most fierce. Thats alot like me."

"Yes, I suppose that is alot like you." She responded.

I was very happy with the idea that she viewed me like an old tiger. There was something tough yet romantic about it. I sat....gloating.

Then she said, "Or like a hippo. Ya know they are very dangerous when they get old too."

I couldn't believe my ears...did she just call me a hippo! I am no damn hippo! After a moment of discussion I jumped out and began to look on the internet in an effort to debunk her theory.

This is what I found:

The large hippo is an aggressive animal; old scars and fresh, deep wounds are signs of daily fights that are accompanied by much bellowing, neighing and snorting.

They are macho and bitch alot. Dammit. Ok thats one.

If they are encountered away from the safety of water, anything that gets between them and their refuge may be bitten or trampled.

If you screw with them, they will run you over or eat you. Fine....two things.

Hippos spend most of their day in water close to shore lying on their bellies.

Well...I don't do that....cause I can't. I suppose I would if I could.

The hippo's proportions reflect its sedentary existence. Its plump and bulky body is set on short, stumpy legs.

Fine, I admit it. I am more like a hippo than a tiger.

In closing, I would like to state that the Majestic Hippo is very misunderstood. With its massive size and powerful jaws, it is the dominant species in its environment. No challangers. They are not really aggressive, just grumpy. Perhaps if their significant others didn't compare them to other LARGER creatures they wouldn't just randomly attack everything.

Warlord Jayde
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