Alexander The Movie

Let me start this review by saying, "What the fuck". Lets just start by reviewing some facts about Alexander the Great whom the movie was suppose to be about:

Alexander was tutored by Aristotle, one of the greatest minds of their time
Alexander at 16 he jumped on a black stallion that was said to be untamable and rode him
Alexander won his first battle at 18 leading the cavalry with above mentioned horse
Alexander was renown for leading from the front
Alexander suffered his fatal wound by leading his troops over an enemy wall
Alexander founded 70 cities
Alexander and his troops traveled 22,000 on foot
Alexander at age 20 was a King and at age 25 ruled the known world.
Alexander was never defeated

Until now....

This 3 hour gay love fest, does an extraordinary job of showing none of the real accomplishments of Alexander the Great. However, it does do a fabulous job pointing out that Oliver Stone should begin to start directing gay porn. One of the greatest military minds in history, a man who has a thousand legends revolving around him, a single person who ruled the world and the main theme I got out of this movie was that homo's are bad ass fighters and if you kill my gay lover I will die. It fails to show in any depth, why people felt he was the son of Zeus. If fails to show where he learned to be such a superior commander, It fails to show how he conquered the known world. It appears that the only thing Oliver was interested in was the unconfirmed love relationship between Alexander and his best friend Hephaestion. Could they have been lovers....Its very possible. Evidence would seem to support that. However, it is my opinion that in a 3 hour movie about a man who conquered and ruled the world this was not the biggest part of the story.

Besides leaping around all of the great accomplishments and legends of Alexander, this movie also drags along. By the end of the movie you are ready for Alexander to die...Hell, at the end of this movie I was ready to die. You could have cut about 2 hours out of this movie and then, maybe, it might have been interesting.

FINAL REVIEW: IF YOU GOT IT FOR CHRISTMAS, USE THE DVD FOR A COASTER